color me good

wow. i can barely open my eyes right now because they’re so tired and weary from having cried on the phone with my mother for an hour, and i probably had a mask of snot covering my face (WHOO SO ATTRACTIVE), but God is so good in just bombarding me with His good and holy word that i can find comfort and refuge in it, and He is so good in giving me the power of prayer and He is so so good in giving me fellowship and beautiful friends who God never fails to use to encourage me.

and though my eyes are weary, my heart is rejoicing, for what on this earth could be greater than His love, His acts of power and His surpassing greatness?! what on this earth is too big for Him to handle?! what sins, what pride, what ignorance is too much that His love can’t transform into mercy and grace and patience and kindness!?

ughhhhh. the book of psalm is too much, man. 

“PRAISE THE LORD from the heavens, praise him in the heights above. Praise him, all his angels, praise him, all his heavenly hosts. Praise him, sun and moon, praise him, all you shining stars. Praise him, you highest heavens and you waters above the skies. Let them praise the name of the Lord, for he commanded and they were created. He set them in place for ever and ever, he gave a decree that will never pass away. Praise the Lord from the earth, you great sea creatures and all ocean depths, lightning and hail, snow and clouds, stormy winds that do his bidding, you mountains and all hills, fruit trees and all cedars, wild animals and all cattle, small creatures and flying birds, kings of the earth and all nations, you princes and all rulers on earth, young men and maidens, old men and children. Let them praise the name of the Lord, for his name alone is exalted; his splendor is above the earth and the heavens. He has raised up for his people a horn, the praise of all his saints, of Israel, the people close to his heart. Praise the Lord.” - Psalm 148

what a BEAUTIFUL, beautiful image, of literally every single thing on this earth praising the Creator of all. EVERYTHING! the millions and millions of stars! the random little plankton things drifting around in the ocean! it’s the only natural reaction. HOW BIG AND GREAT AND VAST IS THIS GOD?! i always get blown out of the wazoo (i did not use that right..) when i try to think about how he’s bigger than the sun, and yet, there’s still so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so much MORE than that too. i mean psh, the sun, that’s tiny.

so seriously, who cares that i don’t know what the heck i’m doing and that situations are a bit tough and strained and this and that etc; God is good and God is big, and He has “all the days ordained for me” (psalm 139:16), and there is so much JOY to be found (why else would there be so much praising?!) and so much worry and pain that can just be flushed down the toilet. i can’t get enough of this. my heart hurts and yet i am so at peace. to rest in the Lord and to have communion with Him is so important. i am spewing nonsense right now but it just makes so much sense to me. 

hello ecclesiastes and your truth- everything is meaningless. so so meaningless without Christ. and so that is my prayer and my only prayer- for Christ, and Christ alone, as nothing else satisfies and fills and quenches like He does.

ah. yum.

BAHHHHHH. 

man! i can’t stop thinking about this 1 peter 1:12 verse! it’s been on my mind for the past two weeks, and it’s just so beautiful and so utterly romantic that it begs my eyes to stop watching chick flicks and my heart to stop desiring such meaningless fluffy talk of male partners who can sing pretty little tunes and pluck some strings attached to a hollow box; it just sounds so INCONSEQUENTIAL in comparison to what my God has promised me! 

Peter’s over here saying that even angels LONG to look into the gospel..! angels, who are already in the heavens worshiping and serving God, who are already constantly in His presence and as far as i know don’t have to worry about all these earthly temptations and things, look over at our little fallen world and they long for it?! they look at this holy book that i hold and wish that it could apply to them?! they lust after this romantic novel that already so personally applies to.. me?! what?! jeeeeeez this book. this word. this utterly beautiful story of a perfect God who turned into man then went into the depths of hell for the sake of drawing His beloved close to Him.. and it’s like, not even fiction. His beloved is the actual living church, and He is in ravishing LOVE with it. with us. and boy do those angels long that they too could be part of those people, who were fallen but were rescued, picked up out of their own dung (SERIOUSLY, POOP.), and cleaned by christ himself. 

ughhhhh. so ridiculous.

AHH LALALA BLAHHH WAS;DLFKJ WHATEVER I DON’T CARE ANYMORE OHOHOHO EEEEE.

Seriously though, whatever. I have so many things to share that i don’t quite care anymore about how my words sound or whether i’m using correct grammar or whether i’m even making coherent sense, i’m just going to start word barfing all over this tumblr about these wonderful things God’s been doing or these wonderful things He’s been teaching me through His good word and ALL THESE COOL AWESOME PEOPLE HE’S BROUGHT INTO MY LIFE.

i used to be super hesitant to post about God mainly because i was ashamed and didn’t want to offend followers or lose followers or anything like that, which is a bunch of crap. and God brought me out of that and smacked me down with humility and informed me that i was being quite foolish. except that’s funny because then i got all caught up in pride, all sitting in my high chair and reveling in the fact that i had gotten out of that stage of ashamed-ness, as if it were by my own doing that i could type these words about God (heck, it’s not even by my own doing that i can even TYPE right now!). and then i realized this pride issue, and so i got scared to post things about God, for fear of fueling my pride and making myself higher than all others because ohoho look at me i can post about God on my tumblr YEAH WOOHOO IM SO GREAT.

BUT PRAISE GOD FOR LIFTING ME OUT OF THAT TOO and now all i want to do is share and let God’s words edify my brothers and sisters. guys i have a hard time with loving people, and i’ve never really understood until recently what it meant to have God’s love in you overflow into your lives with your brothers and sisters; i’d always try to force my way into loving, pretending through external shows of hugs and praise that this love was real and genuine. 

LIES. IT IS ONLY THROUGH GOD THAT I CAN LOVE AND EVEN KNOW WHAT LOVE IS.

i’m going crazy right now. okay. hopefully i can eventually start posting more sensical things of biblical research and prayerful study, but right now that is not what i want. ok it is exactly what i want, but i know that at this point i’d still get too caught up in myself and my words and my language, and it’d all be forced and fake. no, right now i just want to word barf and not get caught up in pretty language. 

bye